Day 40: The Inseminator, Invocation Prayer

Man, I don’t want to sound like I’m always hating on Roderick’s poetry…but what the heck is up with the “morning sun, by hoof and horn” line? The three invocations for the goddess coupled a goddess symbol with a god symbol in this line…now we’ve got god/god? Seriously?

Even though I vowed to use Roderick’s invocations verbatim, I just can’t do this line. So I’m copying the appropriate line from the goddess ones here. Where this says “By the morning sun, by hoof and horn,” I will recite “By the crescent moon and horn.”

Exercise:

Stand facing the east. Light a yellow candle and set it on a table before you. Ignite self-lighting charcoal, then sprinkle loose incense (cinnamon bark and pine) on the hot coals. Practice the magical pass of the inseminator, and hold your arms in this position while you say:

By Pan and Prometheus,
By Dionysus and Dianus,
By Loki and Llugh,
And the countless names of power,
By the morning sun, by hoof and horn,
Come ye Fertile God,
Thy Holy Rites reborn!

When you are finished, sit where you are, close your eyes, and sense the inseminator god’s presence.

There was no candle or incense for me today, for I attempted this exercise while at work.  And I think it served as quite the testament that you can bring a little magic into any place and using any tools.  I took a moment to try and center and bring my attention to myself and the inseminator, then I performed the pass and felt again that sensation of mirth and joy.  When I said the invocation, I waited only for the space of a heartbeat and a new sensation entered me.

It was almost like…hunting.  I wanted to search for sensation.  I wanted to turn on music and dance.  I wanted to feel heat.  I wanted to experience the adrenaline rush of fear.

Did the external environment feel any different?  No…but this predation feeling was not something that was brought out from within me, and when I dismissed the inseminator, it faded away.

Day 39: The Inseminator, Magical Pass

Exercise:

Begin by facing the east.  Stand with your hands at your sides, palms flat, facing behind you.  Bend the arms at the elbows and raise the hands so that they are level with your ears.  Hands should be approximately eight inches away from the ears on either side of the head.  With both of your hands, extend the forefinger and the little finger, and close together the remaining fingers and thumb.  This forms the Witch’s “stang” (symbolizing the antlers of the young horned god).

Today was not a day that I felt like picking up the giant, orange Wicca book. Natalie, Jen and I have been planning to go to a drive-in movie tonight, and it’s been a long time coming. It’s something we actually tried to do last year, but weren’t able to pull together. So I’ve hyped it up in my head and want the night to go off very well. And I volunteered to make cupcakes.

I don’t know what the heck was wrong with me, but these had to be perfect cupcakes, and the batch I turned out was not so perfect. I had to make shift with some silicone cups of my mothers, and the results were ugly (but tasty!). So I made a second cake late last night and woke up early to frost it. Of course, groggy and kitchen do not a match make…and I ended up dropping a casserole on my foot. And oh dear Gods does it ever hurt. I’d considered leaving early from work to go to the ER, but the last time I went there it took something like 9 hours to see a doctor…and I still really, really want to go to the damn movies!

So I’m bottling the pain. If I still think it’s broken tomorrow, to the ER I will go. And as a bonus, I won’t lose time from work.

What does this have to do with Roderick? Well, I’m not a complete stoic. All I’ve wanted to do all day is curl into a ball, watch movies, and feel sorry for myself. Even spending 10 minutes to try one pass seemed like too much effort, but I eventually got onto my injured foot, turned to the east, and made like a mad rokker chick.

The inseminator within was having a great time laughing at the mother within. Had I been less exacting, the accident never would have happened and I wouldn’t be such a poutfest. His mirth was infectious. I had a great time chucking in my tiny little office. It was certainly a reminder to let up and enjoy the high points of situations rather than chasing even the tiniest ideal.

Day 38: The Inseminator, Intonation

Yeah…we know. Symbol pileup.

Exercise:

Set your alarm so that you know to begin this exercise during the sunlit morning hours today. Use your compass to located the east and place a cushion on the floor or set a chair so that you can sit facing this direction. Light the yellow or gold candle and set it in front of you so that you can gaze upon the candle’s flame. Take a deep breath that not only expands the lungs but fills the belly as well. As you exhale, begin to vocalize the sound “ah” (like the vowel sound in the word caught). Sustain the sound until all breath vacates your lungs. Allow the next inhalation to arise from the empty feeling you create in your lungs. then fill your lungs to capacity and repeat the intonation. Practice the inseminator’s intonation for a total of three breaths. When you complete the third intonation, sit in silence for 15 or 20 minutes and allow the essence of this intonation to realign your consciousness.

I finally managed to get to this exercise at 11:30 am.  I think that barely qualifies at “sunlit morning hours,” but it worked for me.  The sun was hot, and just walking out to the back yard, my forehead got a little sweaty.  When I eventually sat down and lit a candle (that stayed lit for all of 45 seconds) and some incense, the air just seemed so heady and thick…it was masculine.  I did the intonations and got caught up in the choirs of locusts whirring and chirping, the birds singing, and everything loudly and proudly saying “here I am!”  Nothing was ashamed or even slightly worried about predation.  They were living in the moment and living with all they had.

I felt like whooping with joy.  I should have.

Day 37: Calling on the Insemniator

Whoo Boy! Of all the daily practices, this is an exercise that needs to be written out in its entirety!

Exercise:

Here is an exercise that will get your sexual attention. Oh, come on, don’t be a prude! Try this exercise to expand your consciousness, for goddess’ sake.

Find a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down. Close your eyes and take several deep breaths. Relax your body from head to toe with each exhalation. Once you are relaxed fully, visualize yourself engaged in sexual activity with a partner. With your spirit-voice, internally intone the name of an inseminator god. Soon he will appear before you as you engages in yoru fantasy sexual activity.

Look into the eyes of your imaginary sexual partner and you will notice a flame, a wild energy there. This is the energetic expression of this deity. Continue the imagined sexual act and soon you will hear a word that represents your own inseminator energy. After you hear the word, immediately return your awareness to your physical body and then open your eyes.

Remember the word you learned in your vision and act from that word for the entirety of the day.

Here are some questions you might consider

  • Was I either unduly drawn toward or did I feel repulsed by this visualization?
  • What might be some contributing factors to my feelings about this exercise?
  • What are my experiences with sexuality?
  • Should religion and sexuality ever find common ground? Why? Why not?

This was an unduly difficult exercise for me. I just can’t hold a sexual fantasy. I start, but then something will remind me of something else and then the next thing you know, I’m remembering an episode of The Gilmore Girls I saw three years ago and am so completely Not In The Mood. Besides, it’s not like I’ve got a frame of reference or anything.

Buuuut, I soldiered on. And it was fun and rather interesting. In my fantasy, my partner was my type…dark hair, pale skin, brown eyes, and just slightly taller than me. But there was a point where I looked at him, and not only did I see that “wild energy,” but he slowly changed physically into a tanned, tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed man with a superbly chiseled jaw. This particular type of man is not my type. At all. But apparently he is what I think the Inseminator looks like. The word he whispered to me was “Hiding.”

Apropos, no? I think when I move, I will start taking the steps I know I need to take to stop feeling like I always have to hide. And now, onto the questions:

  • Was I either unduly drawn toward or did I feel repulsed by this visualization?
  • Neither, really. I was not repulsed in the slightest, but neither was I over eager. I really had to work at it.

  • What might be some contributing factors to my feelings about this exercise?
  • Probably my underlying feelings of inadequacy. And probably my physiological issues that keep me asexual and anorgasmic.

  • What are my experiences with sexuality?
  • Mis manos. Freakishly limited for a woman of 24. It’s why I say I’m doomed to a life of chastity.

  • Should religion and sexuality ever find common ground? Why? Why not?
  • Of course it should. Sexuality is a completely natural part of humanity. It’s wrong on the most basic of levels to attached shame to some of its practices. When we draw down the moon, one of the things we say in the classic speech is “all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals.” This is one thing that I truly believe. And, hey…people say that an orgasm is practically a religious experience. The two should work together.

Day 36: Meeting the God, the Inseminator

And now, at long last, the God.

I’ve done some research into a split of god aspects into these three categories: Inseminator, Protector, and Sage. To be honest, it seems as though this was a nuance Roderick brought to the table himself. I think, however, that there is some truth to it. Though the name “inseminator” makes me cringe, I think it notes an important part of a man’s life: the sowing of all his wild oats. When he does make the decision to pursue a family, most actually step up and be a provider…whether they want to or not. I know from speaking with my father and uncles that men feel a failure beyond words when they turn their back on a wife and child. I think that even if ‘protection’ isn’t hardwired into our biology, it IS hardwired into our sociology, and that can be a stronger force. But, getting back to the matter, there comes a time when a man transitions from provider to being a voice of wisdom for new providers: the sage. It really does make a good level of sense.

So I am willing to accept these three new facets of the god. And I am very intrigued by the inseminator.

The Fool from the Rider-Waite and Hanson-Roberts decks

The Fool from the Rider-Waite and Hanson-Roberts Decks

In my mind, he is the Fool from the tarot. He is a youth that is completely cocksure–the epitome of FratBoy®–who is out to experience the world and does so with unchecked glee. His biggest care isn’t in material possessions or in accumulating wisdom, it’s in sampling the buffet of life. He relies on the goodness of those surrounding him to bark at his heels and keep him from falling off a cliff.

I think Roderick sees him in a similar light. As he says, “Let’s face it; the inseminator is the party boy or girl in each of us! The inseminator […] just wants to get down and have a little fun. […] This archetype represents the wildness of fire and spontaneity in all of us.” Roderick continues saying

He does not know what lies ahead of him in life, therefore he has no obstacles. The inseminator knows no limits; all things are possible to him. He is the energy of one who won’t learn from other people; he must learn from doing and experiencing for himself. Like the maiden, his energy represents simplicity and purity of heart.

The god in this aspect represents your enthusiasm, your physical strength, energy, and optimism. He is the part in each of us that is motivated by sexual and energetic drives. He is there when we accomplish what others say is impossible and when we feel the urge to clown around.

Of course, the inseminator has a dark side, and Roderick says it “represents our wild destructiveness, a lack of impulse control, a lack of constructive direction, indolence, and our potential for flagrant self indulgence. In his dark aspect the inseminator can represent our potential to be driven blindly by physical urges and impulses.”

So in otherwords, the Inseminator is rather Dionysian and requires some Apollonian energy to counterbalance the dark excesses.

As with the Goddessess, Roderick gives a table of correspondences and an exercise.

Solar Phase: Waxing year
Seasonal Phase: Spring
Color: Gold/yellow
Pagan Celebration: Beltane, May 1
Direction: East
Time: Morning
Incense: Cinnamon or pine
Essential Oils: Carnation, cinnamon
Magical Number: 3
Vocalization: ‘ah’ as in caught
Herbs: Woodruff, hops
Planet: Mars/Sun
Body Part: Muscles
Chakra: 3rd–Solar plexus, between navel and stomach

Exercise: Knowing the Inseminator God

Think about your own inseminator traits. On a single piece of paper, draw a line down the center. On one side write down your personality traits that reflect positive inseminator qualities. On the other side of the page, write down any shadowy inseminator qualities you might recognize in yourself. If you do not note any of the inseminator’s qualities in your life, you need to get out and enjoy things a bit more! You will find it spiritually beneficial to spend time cultivating this archetypal energy. In the days that follow, you will learn methods for invoking this energy. Use these methods to invoke the inseminator in you whenever you need a boost of energy or if you simply need to lighten up.

Positive Inseminator Negative Inseminator
I absolutely adore being able to let go of planning and expectation and just get down and have fun. If I do find something ‘fun,’ even if it is just a regular old hobby, I have the tendency to go overboard and neglect other aspects of life to feed that desire.
I strongly believe all things are possible. I have an extremely difficult time choosing a direction for anything–life, a paper, a project–because I would give up the possibilities.

Though I was able to find some Inseminiator traits in myself, it was a struggle. I just don’t let myself go and enjoy life. Everything has to have a plan. Yet, I have tendencies toward the negative side. I can be extremely indolent and self-indulgent. I often feel that I lack a constructive direction. I’m happy to just wade through life and trust in fate.

In that, I am The Fool.