Day 37: Calling on the Insemniator

Whoo Boy! Of all the daily practices, this is an exercise that needs to be written out in its entirety!

Exercise:

Here is an exercise that will get your sexual attention. Oh, come on, don’t be a prude! Try this exercise to expand your consciousness, for goddess’ sake.

Find a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down. Close your eyes and take several deep breaths. Relax your body from head to toe with each exhalation. Once you are relaxed fully, visualize yourself engaged in sexual activity with a partner. With your spirit-voice, internally intone the name of an inseminator god. Soon he will appear before you as you engages in yoru fantasy sexual activity.

Look into the eyes of your imaginary sexual partner and you will notice a flame, a wild energy there. This is the energetic expression of this deity. Continue the imagined sexual act and soon you will hear a word that represents your own inseminator energy. After you hear the word, immediately return your awareness to your physical body and then open your eyes.

Remember the word you learned in your vision and act from that word for the entirety of the day.

Here are some questions you might consider

  • Was I either unduly drawn toward or did I feel repulsed by this visualization?
  • What might be some contributing factors to my feelings about this exercise?
  • What are my experiences with sexuality?
  • Should religion and sexuality ever find common ground? Why? Why not?

This was an unduly difficult exercise for me. I just can’t hold a sexual fantasy. I start, but then something will remind me of something else and then the next thing you know, I’m remembering an episode of The Gilmore Girls I saw three years ago and am so completely Not In The Mood. Besides, it’s not like I’ve got a frame of reference or anything.

Buuuut, I soldiered on. And it was fun and rather interesting. In my fantasy, my partner was my type…dark hair, pale skin, brown eyes, and just slightly taller than me. But there was a point where I looked at him, and not only did I see that “wild energy,” but he slowly changed physically into a tanned, tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed man with a superbly chiseled jaw. This particular type of man is not my type. At all. But apparently he is what I think the Inseminator looks like. The word he whispered to me was “Hiding.”

Apropos, no? I think when I move, I will start taking the steps I know I need to take to stop feeling like I always have to hide. And now, onto the questions:

  • Was I either unduly drawn toward or did I feel repulsed by this visualization?
  • Neither, really. I was not repulsed in the slightest, but neither was I over eager. I really had to work at it.

  • What might be some contributing factors to my feelings about this exercise?
  • Probably my underlying feelings of inadequacy. And probably my physiological issues that keep me asexual and anorgasmic.

  • What are my experiences with sexuality?
  • Mis manos. Freakishly limited for a woman of 24. It’s why I say I’m doomed to a life of chastity.

  • Should religion and sexuality ever find common ground? Why? Why not?
  • Of course it should. Sexuality is a completely natural part of humanity. It’s wrong on the most basic of levels to attached shame to some of its practices. When we draw down the moon, one of the things we say in the classic speech is “all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals.” This is one thing that I truly believe. And, hey…people say that an orgasm is practically a religious experience. The two should work together.

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